Stop People Pleasing

About this book

A viral life coach offers a practical, empathetic, and inspiring guide to breaking people-pleasing patterns that can harm our careers, relationships, and physical and psychic health. For most of Hailey Magee's life, people-pleasing came so naturally to her that she didn't even have a word for it. When somebody wanted something from her--even a stranger--she gave it, no matter how uncomfortable, exhausted, or resentful she felt inside. People-pleasing, she learned, was a coping mechanism that had kept her physically and emotionally safe in the past, but wreaked havoc on her life in the present--and she was committed to breaking the pattern once and for all. The solution that social media and self-help shelves gave her was to "Advocate for yourself! Speak up! Set boundaries!" But after years of ignoring her feelings and needs, Magee needed more than boundaries; she needed to reconnect with the "self" who was supposed to be doing the advocating. You can't express yourself if you're cut off from your feelings. You can't fight for your needs if you don't know what they are. And you can't set boundaries with others until you believe you're worthy of more than the bare minimum. Radically reconnecting with herself gave Magee the confidence and self-respect she needed to stand up for herself in her relationships. As she experienced a freedom she never thought possible, she became a certified life coach with the mission of helping others do the same. Stop People Pleasing explains how anyone can break the pattern by learning their own feelings, needs, values, and desires; ending cycles of enmeshment and codependency; overcoming guilt; developing physical and sexual agency; and more. It is a refreshingly nuanced guide, exploring fundamental questions like: -How can I tell when my genuine kindness veers into people-pleasing? -How can I set boundaries while maintaining my empathy and generosity? -When is it appropriate to compromise on my needs, and when is it not? Combining social science, psychology, and hands-on coaching exercises, Stop People Pleasing teaches you how to connect with your own feelings, needs, and dreams; courageously advocate for yourself in your relationships with friends, family, and colleagues; soothe yourself through the growing pains of healing; and dive headfirst into pleasure and play. With fresh insight, heartfelt empathy, and a keen personal understanding of the pitfalls of people-pleasing, Magee helps you say what you need and get what you deserve.